And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
