You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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