I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
