Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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