My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
