Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
