he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
