Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
