it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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