Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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