Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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