2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
