don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
