Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
