For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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