OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
