heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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