If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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