Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So many bounce houses so little time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
