Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize