He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
