what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
