Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
