someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
