oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Holy shit dude........stairs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
