Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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