Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
