i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
