I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
