At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
