This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
