Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
