And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
