its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
