She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
