im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
