We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
