I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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