It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
