btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
