I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drunk is a universal language darling
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
