Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
