Midget sex pt 2 tonight
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
