Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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