I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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