3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
