you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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