yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
