yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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