Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She told me I should be a condom model.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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