just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
