My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize