He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Farmville is her only friend.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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