gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
