my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
