u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
