What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
