I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
