And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
