She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
