Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
