That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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