You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
