At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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