Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize